YES! It has not been too long this time since I last posted. Two things - one is new for "me" and the other is a craft I like doing. First... I have been crocheting like crazy. It is my relaxer. I have noticed since chemo, that what I would call doing normal stuff (organizing/straightening rooms, going thru the mail, etc.), sometimes over taxes my brain and gives me an anxiety attack. Usually a small one, so I have found crocheting helps relax me or a few minutes of playing Minecraft on the Xbox 360. Not sure how playing Minecraft works to help me but it does. Maybe because it make me concentrate on one thing. Hmm?? Not sure. Projects I have started, working on and possibly finished in the last year are: two different sizes of Dr. Who scarves. They turned out different (in length) as I was going by a knitting pattern and was not sure how many crochet rows would equal one knitted row, so I tried out two different ways. One, the shorter version, I gave to one of my daughter's. The second one, which was closer to the original knitted one in size, I gave to one of my son's and it worked out great as he is 6ft 4 in in height. I crocheted a bunny for a grandson for his birthday. It turned out really cute. I made some crochet topped towels and I finished a beautiful 2 strand gorgeous red throw for myself. I have a "retro circle" blanket in the making for a Christmas gift next year. I just finished a cowl ( using this pattern: http://crochetincolor.blogspot.com/2011/10/soft-stitch-cowl-pattern.html) and started another one tonight. Second... I have been a little more gutsy with my hair since I got it back. It took me a while to decide it I want to just let what grows back stay or do I change the color and get rid of the "gray" high lights. Before I lost my hair I may have dyed it 3 times through out my 49 years. My hair was always long from my shoulders and down, but since I lost it, I like the shorter hair. It is hard not to let it grow and get back to the "comfort" zone. Not for now. This past week I went and had my hair dyed. I even did high lights and not the natural ones either. It looks great and it is such a pick-me-upper! Why haven't I done this before? So... there are two questions for you tonight. What do you do to relax? and Do you like to stay all natural or dye it?

Life

Life! It just has a way of getting in the way of all the different ways we want to go doesn't it? I have been busy with Life since my last post but then I have also been lazy. With all the time I am on my computer, I had forgotten all about my lonely little blog here. Poor thing. This week opened doors and windows for my darling hubbie and I to talk. We found out that our dear neighbor across the street was diagnosed with cancer and it is not good. Cancer never is. When my hubbie and I found it out, we were reminded of all we went through in 2011 and how to me it was all a blur. My blur started, when I got a phone call from the doctor's office a few days after surgery, that the doctor wanted to see me the next morning. That he told me that I have cancer. From there it was - you need to drink this to have this test, then to drink this other stuff to have another test, then to have a surgery again and then on to chemo and then on to another surgery and wow, where did the year go. It was a blur. The following year (2012) was a year of catching up on all those feelings that my life wouldn't let me or didn't want me to experience the previous year. Sometimes they would hit me out of the blue and sometimes it would be someone mentioning something. Sometimes it was driving by the doctor's office or the hospital on our way to somewhere else. Life, it just has a way of tossing, throwing and knocking you around. You either go with the flow and deal with it the best way you can or you give up. I think I did give up for a while. BUT.... I am done with that and ready to move on! I picked up a job application today and I am feeling more centered in who I am. Yes, I still have a day here or there, and everyone does, I am just glad that I am ready to have more good days than bad. I am tired of the chemo brain and am ready to fight back. Hey, it is MY Life and I am going to live it MY way. I know 2014 is going to be a great year and I am going to get a head start on it. How is next year looking for you?

Yes, we (hubbie & I) did it. Not sure if it will be a love/hate relationship but the future will tell us. Okay, I'm gettin to it... we tossed the idea back and forth for over a year and also which kind to get. We settled on it last week and bought an Elliptical. It took us 2 hours to put it together and I tried it out for a minute tonight just to make sure it works correctly. And it does! lol!! I have felt out of it for too long (I think) since my cancer and I hope this will get me to moving and feeling a lot better. Only time will tell!

Just Being Real

Wow! Long time NO see or should I say posting. Way toooo long. I am not sure why – life got busy – I forgot I had a blog. Yep, that would be it. I am sorry for not posting sooner! This year – 2013 – I feel is the year that the crap is hitting the fan. All my cancer memories are coming back. When it all happened in 2011 it was a blur. A trying to see in the fog feeling. In 2012 I felt out of sorts and just trying to get back on my feet after another surgery in February. Now, why now does it all decide to hit? I am not sure why. This year, I am getting in the mindset that I want to do a lot THIS year! The kids are all out of the house, so I am going to clean out the said house. Time to get organized, purge things and redecorate! Why not! Since my last posting … where I stated that I have too many crafts, I have boxed/binned up my bead/jewelry making supplies¸ organized my sewing supplies and now have my sewing machine sitting where all my beads were stored (in a computer armoire). I went through my material, which I must say was not much and have given away what I have no plans for at this time. Why store it?! My yarn is all in one bin and I have a messenger bag of sorts with one or two crochet projects in it sitting by my recliner. Yep, I gotta have something to do while I watch tv with JP. I have most of my scrapbooking supplies in order. Now I just want my brain to get in gear and start scrapbooking again. My last posting also mentioned that I would tell you more about my surgery. I am going to wait on that and maybe type it up for a future posting. I will say that my CA125 level is at a 4. It makes me happy that it came down some but then it never went out of the normal range to begin with. Hmm? I will try to post more often. Thanks for checking in. (tried to make paragraphs, but the blog would not do it)

A sunny Thursday

Good evening,

Today, JP and I have been talking. I have way too many crafts (crocheting, sewing, beading, scrapbooking and more)going on plus trying to do spring cleaning. I have decided to take a big step and downsize. Yep, I am going to box it up to do later or start selling my supplies. This is very hard for me to do, but I think it will be easier on my nerves, noggin and my house. I have started already tonight and will go work on more of it.

I have noticed that I have not posted anything else about my surgery and what I am thinking about all this cancer stuff. I will spend more time next week and post more about it.

Have a great night and will see you all next week.

Lori

one of those days...

Okay, have you ever had one of those days (I know you have) to where it hits out of nowhere and then everything goes downhill. Nothing specific, just a blue day from nowhere. I had one of those today. It happened “after” I got my bathrooms cleaned, a load of laundry through the washer and dryer and some general picking up. Then it hit – where it came from, who knows, but it did. Now please understand, this is just venting. I am okay with my life and I am ok where we are in this life, today was just too much thinking all at once. I should have hit the pause button.
I wanted to go somewhere, anywhere but why. I didn’t “need” anything, so why spend the money, especially in gas, to drive to town. Then it was “I” wanted to go so “I” could drive and not be chauffeured. It seems where ever we go JP drives or KP (my son) in his vehicle. It doesn’t bother me usually, but today it did. Then I thought, why not, but then I thought why go because the stores would be closing in about 3 hours, I should wait and do a whole day thing, and then it would be worth the gas money. Then there were the thoughts of, I have so much stuff here at home, so why should I go out. I think in the long run I just “needed” to get out of the house. But…. I didn’t. Sooooo… tomorrow with plans or no plans, I AM getting out, even if it was to the library to wander, sit and read. Who cares what I do, I am getting out.
Hope this finds everyone had a great day!

I am one lucky & blessed Wife, Mother & Nana

It has been way to long and I am sorry for not posting.
Life just gets in the way and you have to make choices -or- the brain just doesn't remember and it skips over it -or- you just aren't sure what to share. Hmm?? Maybe all the above.

Here is what I have typed up from February 14th (surgery day) to post but it never made it here until now.

When the hospital personnel started getting me prepped for surgery, they told me I would need “two” IV’s. It would be two because of the type of surgery I was going to be having, the Da Vinci Robotic Surgery. It was interesting. To see their expression while I thought “they must be thinking that my veins are just going to pop out and say “Here I am!” at them. It wasn’t going to happen, especially with me being dehydrated for 13 hours. The nurse first tried my left arm and decided after about 10 minutes to give that one a break. She then moved over to my right arm to where she got a good and easy IV. Yeah! I am not surprised because that arm has been a real trooper. It has seen me through way too many blood draws and all but one of my chemo visits. The nurse then moved back to my left arm with the thinking that I was a little hydrated now and it would work. HA! The nurse said there was a lot of scar tissue in that one. What?!? The arm that got so neglected from the blood draws and chemo. Why does it think it needs scar tissue for? She got one in too much of her surprise. The IV needle sat half way out but the fluid was flowing great so she taped it down. The OR nurses gave it a weird look but I guess they decided it was working great, as I woke up with it still there.
The surgery went well with a possible nick of a nerve and a LOT of scar tissue removed, along with the two masses. I vaguely remember my Mom and Sister being there, but I knew one of them touched my toes before they left. I also remember too many times of hearing the nurse tell someone that they couldn’t move me yet because they were still cleaning the room I was going to be move to. How long does it take to clean a room? Who knows, but it seemed like forever.
I found out that JP went and moved the car closer to the hospital while I was still out of it back in recovery. He tried waiting patiently to come back in recovery to see me, but he decided that instead of waiting and waiting that he was going to go through some “restricted” doors and find me. He did find me, but was then escorted back out by nurses saying that he couldn’t be back there. I love him so much!
We finally made it to my room, where we found my daughter-H, her hubbie and my lil buddie J (grandson) waiting for me just outside the door. Later, after I got home and going through the pictures that JP took, I would be so thankful and teary eyed again. My buddie has a way of doing things and they just happen to get caught on film. JP snapped a picture of the nurses on each side of me taking my vitals and getting me settled and there is my buddy gently reaching out and touching my finger tips. Possibly to make sure I was okay or maybe it was his way to say he was ok. I just know that I am one lucky & blessed Nana.
Good night all and I hope to be back a lot more often.