A sunny Thursday

Good evening,

Today, JP and I have been talking. I have way too many crafts (crocheting, sewing, beading, scrapbooking and more)going on plus trying to do spring cleaning. I have decided to take a big step and downsize. Yep, I am going to box it up to do later or start selling my supplies. This is very hard for me to do, but I think it will be easier on my nerves, noggin and my house. I have started already tonight and will go work on more of it.

I have noticed that I have not posted anything else about my surgery and what I am thinking about all this cancer stuff. I will spend more time next week and post more about it.

Have a great night and will see you all next week.

Lori

one of those days...

Okay, have you ever had one of those days (I know you have) to where it hits out of nowhere and then everything goes downhill. Nothing specific, just a blue day from nowhere. I had one of those today. It happened “after” I got my bathrooms cleaned, a load of laundry through the washer and dryer and some general picking up. Then it hit – where it came from, who knows, but it did. Now please understand, this is just venting. I am okay with my life and I am ok where we are in this life, today was just too much thinking all at once. I should have hit the pause button.
I wanted to go somewhere, anywhere but why. I didn’t “need” anything, so why spend the money, especially in gas, to drive to town. Then it was “I” wanted to go so “I” could drive and not be chauffeured. It seems where ever we go JP drives or KP (my son) in his vehicle. It doesn’t bother me usually, but today it did. Then I thought, why not, but then I thought why go because the stores would be closing in about 3 hours, I should wait and do a whole day thing, and then it would be worth the gas money. Then there were the thoughts of, I have so much stuff here at home, so why should I go out. I think in the long run I just “needed” to get out of the house. But…. I didn’t. Sooooo… tomorrow with plans or no plans, I AM getting out, even if it was to the library to wander, sit and read. Who cares what I do, I am getting out.
Hope this finds everyone had a great day!

I am one lucky & blessed Wife, Mother & Nana

It has been way to long and I am sorry for not posting.
Life just gets in the way and you have to make choices -or- the brain just doesn't remember and it skips over it -or- you just aren't sure what to share. Hmm?? Maybe all the above.

Here is what I have typed up from February 14th (surgery day) to post but it never made it here until now.

When the hospital personnel started getting me prepped for surgery, they told me I would need “two” IV’s. It would be two because of the type of surgery I was going to be having, the Da Vinci Robotic Surgery. It was interesting. To see their expression while I thought “they must be thinking that my veins are just going to pop out and say “Here I am!” at them. It wasn’t going to happen, especially with me being dehydrated for 13 hours. The nurse first tried my left arm and decided after about 10 minutes to give that one a break. She then moved over to my right arm to where she got a good and easy IV. Yeah! I am not surprised because that arm has been a real trooper. It has seen me through way too many blood draws and all but one of my chemo visits. The nurse then moved back to my left arm with the thinking that I was a little hydrated now and it would work. HA! The nurse said there was a lot of scar tissue in that one. What?!? The arm that got so neglected from the blood draws and chemo. Why does it think it needs scar tissue for? She got one in too much of her surprise. The IV needle sat half way out but the fluid was flowing great so she taped it down. The OR nurses gave it a weird look but I guess they decided it was working great, as I woke up with it still there.
The surgery went well with a possible nick of a nerve and a LOT of scar tissue removed, along with the two masses. I vaguely remember my Mom and Sister being there, but I knew one of them touched my toes before they left. I also remember too many times of hearing the nurse tell someone that they couldn’t move me yet because they were still cleaning the room I was going to be move to. How long does it take to clean a room? Who knows, but it seemed like forever.
I found out that JP went and moved the car closer to the hospital while I was still out of it back in recovery. He tried waiting patiently to come back in recovery to see me, but he decided that instead of waiting and waiting that he was going to go through some “restricted” doors and find me. He did find me, but was then escorted back out by nurses saying that he couldn’t be back there. I love him so much!
We finally made it to my room, where we found my daughter-H, her hubbie and my lil buddie J (grandson) waiting for me just outside the door. Later, after I got home and going through the pictures that JP took, I would be so thankful and teary eyed again. My buddie has a way of doing things and they just happen to get caught on film. JP snapped a picture of the nurses on each side of me taking my vitals and getting me settled and there is my buddy gently reaching out and touching my finger tips. Possibly to make sure I was okay or maybe it was his way to say he was ok. I just know that I am one lucky & blessed Nana.
Good night all and I hope to be back a lot more often.

Dancing in the minefields - by Andrew Peterson

The song listed above is one to type into You Tube and listen to.

----------------------//----------------------------

That is what I feel like today. Yep, the dancing part.

I have this little saying I printed off and it is tucked into a pocket in my Nook case. It is a saying I got somewhere on the internet and it says:
“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I’m just telling you it’s going to be worth it.”

Yes it is.
It is worth it to go on this roller coaster ride.
The ride I thought I was done with.
The ride that is still going on.
The ride to go through all these test’s and surgeries. It is SO worth it!

I have a BIG family who loves me! I have a BIG arrangement of friends worldwide that are thinking of me and praying. Isn’t it nice to find out that your family has talked with someone and shared it with people they care about and it goes out from there? Then the special part is when you hear from those that heard it from your loved ones. I feel soooooo loved!

I started my surgery (bowel) prep (yuck) this afternoon. There are a few things I am learning.
#1 - I have learned from JP that it is best to get the liquid you are drinking very cold AND to drink it through a straw. Boy does it help!
#2 – dress in yoga /sweat pants – hey, when things move, why fight with a button AND a zipper! :)
#3 – Have things to do so you are not sitting around waiting and waiting – well….. maybe.

Have a fantastic day everyone.
If you heard from a loved one about a friend of theirs, send them a lil note via Facebook, email or snail mail. You will not believe how much it means.

"It's Only What You Make of It"

It was hard to leave NC and come home this past weekend, for a lot of reason's.
Reason #1: Hard to leave our son, daughter-in-law and our two grandchildren. Especially after greeting our newest grand-daughter into this world. The weather was so beautiful. The sun shined everyday with the temperatures in the 60's to 70's.
Reason #2: JP has to go back to work. It was so nice to see him everyday, even if we were busy.
Reason #3: I did not want to come home as that meant I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow, back to another surgery, back to who knows what. Yep, I will say that I am scared, BUT... I will handle what may come as I have family to help me, a lot of prayers and Yes, God is here and he IS listening!

song by: Little Big Town

"Hey, I got nothin to do today but Smile"

(not sure who sings the song as it is on JP's mp3 player)

Hi Ya all!
Yep, just a little accent there. I have been in North Carolina the last few days. JP and I have been helping one of our son's and his family move closer to his military base.
Just let me tell you, the weather has been gorgeous while we have been here. The sun has shone and the temps in the 60' to 70's. It surely is different then home.
Three days after getting them moved our daughter-in-law delivered one gorgeous baby girl. I was in the room when she was born and what an experience. I bauled. I couldn't believe I did but it just happened. Baby girl and I have about the same hair cut and length right now. Mine just has more "high lights" then her's. :) A nurse was just here to check on Momma and baby girl. When she took baby girls hat off she said "My land, look at all that hair". She does have a lot!
It is going to be so hard to head home, but JP has to get back to work and I have that appointment I need to go to. I have not had time to think about everything to come, as I have been so busy, but lately it has creeping forward. IF I could stay here and not deal with it, I would. The pain has been off and on. Somedays I have none and other days I have a lot. In the long run I am ready to be home. Jp and I think we will start that journey tomorrow sometime. It just depends on when I get to take the Momma and new baby girl home.
Thanks for reading.

When I get where I'm going...

Good evening,
Have you noticed that my last three posts are titles of songs?

Today JP dropped me of my parents just incase the new doctors office called and wanted to see me today. After a few hours of sleep (hey, it was 5 a.m. when I was dropped off) my Mom and I went to see my niece. We were helping here get her house settled before her new baby is born. While visiting and working the doctors office called. Yeh, as I was hoping to have things set up before our trip. They wanted to see me on Friday. What? This Friday?! So... I did what anyone would do, I asked if it had to be, if it was "urgent" and then I explained about the road trip. She was so sweet and said the doctor was in the office, she would go ask him if it was urgent and then call me right back. She did and the doctor said to go enjoy my trip. Another yeh! We then set up an appointment for two days after I get back home. I did a little happy dance to be able to go on the road trip before the bonker thoughts started going through my noggin. I won't go there and share those now as I do not want to get worked up right now. Understand?

Later, we went back to my parents house where I met JP and then we were off to pick up the rental car. YES! It is a "red" zoom zoom car, at least for me! :o) Now to see how this Toyota Corolla preforms. I should get going as dinner has been eaten and now to fill the car with all the goodies that we are getting out of our house.

Have a fun week everyone and I will post again where-ever I happen to find a internet connection.

P.S. Brad Paisley - the singer for the song title

the sun'll come out tomorrow...

Today was a little better than yesterday. 1 - I got to see my bug-a-boo (grandson) last night. 2 - I got to see Dr. L today (one of my all time favorites) 3 - my sister took time off from work to take me to see Dr. L. (Awwww...she is such a terrific sis)

Dr. L and his great nurse K were fantastic. I got a big hug and gave a big hug to both of them when we saw each other. After an exam, Dr. L said I could get dressed and then we would talk when we all had clothes on. He did suggest that he could take his pants off but HE would get cold. :O) So, I did what I was suppose to do and then we talked. Dr. L told me about the CT findings. They showed that there are 2 masses about 5cm in size. (Which is between the size of a quarter and a clementine.) One is in my pelvic area sitting on or near the main artery that would go down my left leg. I think it is an Iliac artery. The 2nd is near or laying on the muscle that lays over the liver. The CT results could not tell if the masses are dead cells, scar tissue or that d@#m cancer is back. Then Dr. L tells me in so many words he does not feel confidant to do the surgery (biopsey/removal), esp the one near the artery, so he suggested a new/different doctor. Yeh! Especially since the Oncologist I have now wasn't concerned about the pain I was having and didn't do anything about it. What? With my recent history, I expected something. Nope, I didn't get it, so I moved on. I am so glad that I did AND went to see my regular doc. Yeh me!!
I asked Dr. L how urgent this is and he said not to put it off. I said I wouldn't, (duh!) but was wondering IF I can go on a road trip for about 10 days or less. "Yes, go on your road trip" he said. I am now waiting to hear from the new doctor and what he has to say. I hope I can get in to see him tomorrow.

On the happy front. Our suitcases are packed, most of the bins/items are ready in piles that we are taking and I am almost have the 2 bags packed of items to put near us for things to do (read, write, take pictures with and more). The bins are items to take to our son and daughter-in-law out of state. We are going to take some of his belongings to him, help them move and hopefully see the new grandbaby be born. I can not wait to get on the road, even though JP and I will be in the car a looooonnnngggg time.

Happy Tuesday everyone - hope yours was a great one!

p.s. The pic is of me with home-made cheese soup. Yum!

All we can do is Keep Breathing

Today started off pretty good. Snuggled in under the warm covers till late in the morning.
Talked with my daughter for a long time and JP called me on his lunch break. Then it was finally time (better be before lunch - right?) to slip from under those covers and step into the shower. Such a nice feeling to let the warm water wash over you.

But then... I got a phone call. A phone call from the doctor herself and not her nurse.
"Shit" was all my brain could think. (sorry for the swear word). She was calling about my CT results. Oh boy... here we go again. They found two masses in my abdomen. She did not say what size they were. Just that there are two and that the CT person could not decipher what they are. Could be cysts, could be dead lymph nodes, could be anything. He did say that I need to see a doctor who could do a biopsy on them to find out more. Really??? What a day! So... I and the doctor's office called my gyno who has done most of my surgeries in the last years (we will call him Dr. L) and I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 10:30 a.m. I am so happy it is right away. Dr. L is great - I really do like/love him, so I am glad I am seeing him.

Now with that all being said, I am not sure IF we will be going on our road trip. I will know more about that tomorrow.

Hang in there everyone and keep breathing.

Weekend Update!

Good evening,

Yesterday at 8 a.m. I had the CT Scan done at the local hospital.
That meant that between 8 p.m. and midnight I had to drink one of the two jugs of Barium stuff. Yuck! But... my hubbie (I'll call him JP) gave me some smart insight. One put the jugs in the fridge, it goes down better cold. Two, drink it with a straw as it makes it go down quicker. You know, they both worked a whole lot better than when I had to drink them last spring. Whew! At 4 a.m. the alarm went off for me to go drink the second one. Not sure if that bottle went quicker or not, I just know I wanted to crawl back in bed. After a little more sleep, the alarm went off again at 6 a.m. This time it was for me to get up, shower, get dressed and leave for my appointment. JP was so nice, that while I was in the shower he went out, dusted the snow off the car, shoveled the drive and made the car toasty warm for my drive. He crawled back in bed afterwards as I was going to go spend the day with my parents after my CT. Such a great guy. Now I wait for the results, which I hope will be tomorrow.

Oh... we got a call from my son and daughter-in-law wondering when we might be coming their way. They live about 16 hours away, expecting their first child together and have an opportunity to move to a bigger place this coming weekend. We were planning to make the drive when the baby came, but if the results aren't too bad we may make this trip. Please pray for the results and for the trip as JP and I have not been in a car "together" for that long in a long time.
Have a great Monday everyone!

Blue Day with a gray sky

Yep, today is a blue day, in meaning that I am blue.
I have been having some lower left abdominal pain and finally had, had it so I called the doctor.
This morning I saw a new PA at my regular doctor's office as my doc is on vacation. It was nice to find out that "she" could feel a mass there and that they are going to check into it with a CT Scan. Yeh! It is not all in my head. Maybe that will help my noggin relax and not think about cancer. You see... back in March of 2011 during a laparascopy (sp?) surgery they found out that I had cancer. Ovarian cancer to boot even though I had a total "total" hysterectomy back in 1997. Interesting huh? Add the pain, discomfort, and other things going on, it just all piled up an made it a blue day. But you know, my hubbie is home from work and that is making my day a lot better. I sure do love him! :O)

Happy belated New Year - 2012

This is a new year, new beginnings with new adventures.

This year:
This year I will be married to my hubbie for 30 years.
This year we have 4 grown children and 3 of them are married.
This year we have one 4 year old grandson (who'll hear a lot about)
This year we are expecting 2 new grandchildren.
This year I am starting a bucket list of sorts.
This year "I" am making changes.

I decided today to start a blog about my everyday Nana (life) adventures.
Last year was a rough one and I will blog about that later.
Enjoy today and I will be back.